Why should boys have all the fun??

After my latest blog on "Women's Dictionary" I was now tempted to target the men too, who had had a lot of laughs at the cost of my post. I even had a word document sent to me giving some one liners and jokes on women. Certainly, some men who read the post were smart enough to admit that women are complicated, but for others who think they 'know' women well, I suggest you think harder. Also, This post is for that particular gentleman, who thinks 'women will pay $20 for an item she doesn't need' and for all others who agree with him. You know who you are...Haha...

In the mean time...Enjoy few jokes/one liners for all the guys across the world...

Q: What is the thinnest book in the world?

Ans: "What Men Know About Women"

Q: What do men and beer bottles have in common?

Ans: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?

Ans: Lifting his leg so you can vacuum.

Q: What does a man consider a seven course meal?

Ans: A hot dog and a six pack of beer.

Q: What do you call a man with half a brain?

Ans: Gifted !

Q: What do you call an intelligent man in your country?

Ans: A tourist.

Q: How do men sort their laundry?

Ans: "Filthy" and "Filthy and wearable"

Q: Why is it good that there are female astronauts?

Ans: When the crew gets lost, at least she will ask for directions.

Q: How does a man show that he is planning for the future?

Ans: He buys two cases of beer.

Q: Why are blonde jokes so short?

Ans: So men can remember them.

Q: Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking?

Ans: They all already have boyfriends.

Q: How do you get a man to do sit-ups?

Ans: Put the remote control between his toes.

Q: Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?

Ans: They won’t stop to ask directions!

Q: What do you instantly know about a well-dressed man?

Ans: His wife is good at picking out clothes.

Q: What is the difference between a single 40-year-old woman and a single 40-year-old man?

Ans: The 40-year-old woman thinks often of having children and the man thinks often about dating them

Q: Why do women live longer than men?

Ans: Someone has to stick around and clean up the mess after them.

Three dreams of a man

1. 
   
   To be as handsome as his mother thinks


2. 
   
   To be as rich as his child believes


3. 
   
   To have as many women as his wife suspects...

Message to Guys: no offence to you...'Our kind' still loves you all...

Message to Girls: Trust me girls...there are many more where that came from...So do comment if you want Part II of this post...lol.

Women's Dictionary - Part I

If the topic itself has made you click on it and got you here, then trust me you would not be disappointed. I had got this email long time back and thanks to the art of Forwarding emails, it has probably reached your inbox sometime or another. For those who are lucky enough not to get forwarded mails, here it is....

I would recommend that women don't read further. I don't want to be criticised of being AGAINST my own kind. :P

Ok...So here goes....

They say women never say what they want..As a matter of fact, they always tell you EXACTLY what they want. Its just the matter of decoding it...So here you go...Some of the basic codes, specially decoded for you.

1. You want...You want : We need OR I want.


2. It's your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now.


3. Do what you want: You'll pay for this later.


4. We need to talk: I need to complain.


5. Sure . . . go ahead: This is a dare, not permission.. Don't Do It!


6. I'm not upset: Of course I'm upset, you moron.


7. You're . . . so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.


8. Be romantic, turn out the lights: I have flabby thighs.


9. This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house:


10. I want new curtains: ..and carpeting, furniture and wallpaper


11. Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!


12. I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.


13. Do you love me?: I'm going to ask for something expensive.
    
14. How much do you love me?: I did something today you're not going to like.


15. I'll be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.


16. Am I fat?: Tell me I'm beautiful.


17. You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me.


18. Are you listening to me?: Too late, you're dead.


19. Yes: No.


20. No: No.


21. Maybe: No.


22. I'm sorry: You'll be sorry.


23. Do you like this recipe?: It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it.


24. I'm not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
25. That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a womencan make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hardbefore deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake

IN ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: WHAT'S WRONG?

26. The same old thing: Nothing.

27. Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something,and you should be on your toes.

28. Everything: My PMS is acting up.

29. Nothing, really: It's just that you are such a jerk.

30. I don't want to talk about it: Go away I'm still building up evidence against you.

So now you understand, Why women can get so complicated to understand??

You might want to try it and let me know if I was of any help... till then adios and good luck

To read this blog..Press # 1.

Don't you just hate it when 30% of your phone bills are for calls made to customer service for credit cards, phone service, trouble shooting, etc? Well this is what ticked me off today....







I have been studying for my exams since almost 3 months now, and it was about time I got a break. I called up Justdial.com and was relieved to find no automated machine (trust me, the last thing I wanted was thousands buttons to press to just find out the movie schedule. Thankfully, I was directly connected to the operator, who even knew who I was (I am a regular caller to justdial for various reasons). I was given the number to the nearest location Adlabs cinemas... 39894040...Don't bother to call them..Its much easier online.




Anyways....I spent 35 minutes to know that no new movies had released this week and all other movies were either Marathi or English movies. First:

• press the language option...
• then which day you wanna see movie...
• which theatre...
• which movie...etc etc etc.

After selecting the movie, since the show timings were not suitable for me, I tried to go one step back to the previous menu...and to my horror, after selecting the theatre..I was asked to select the day and the movie I wanted to see.

Confused??? Well...I was too. Believe me, I love watching movies, but this experience has scarred me for at least a week of not even attempting to find out about the movie schedule.

I was SO horrified with this experience, that I ended up searching for "weird automated answering machine messages" on net...Just for fun.

Amongst the many hilarious messages, I found an article..and i knew I HAD to share it with everyone.

School Phone Menu .....
"Hello! You have reached the automated answering service of your school. In order to assist you in connecting to the right staff member, please listen to all the options before making a selection:

• To lie about why your child is absent - Press 1


• To make excuses for why your child did not do his work - Press 2


• To complain about what we do - Press 3


• To swear at staff members - Press 4


• To ask why you didn't get information that was already enclosed in your newsletter and several flyers mailed to you - Press 5


• If you want us to raise your child - Press 6


• If you want to reach out and touch, slap or hit someone - Press 7


• To request another teacher, for the third time this year - Press 8


• To complain about bus transportation - Press 9


• To complain about school lunches - Press 0


• If you realize this is the real world and your child must be accountable and responsible for his/her own behavior, class work, homework and that it's not all the teachers' fault for your child's lack of effort: Hang up and have a nice day!
  

I leave it up to you to decide if this is a funny article or a sarcastic one for parents who are totally dependable upon the educational institutions for raising their child...Think About it...WHICH OPTION WOULD YOU SELECT???

One ARK can save you...!!!

Good Morning everyone,

Wondering about the title??...well.. Read On...

I bring one more story of my morning walk today...If you wanna read few more of my morning stories...click here.

Its 6:15 am in the morning and very few people on the street.

Suddenly I notice dogs in bunch of 3-5 rushing towards me. I am not afraid of dogs, so I keep walking..Apparently, its not my personality they were attracted to...lol...

They were rushing towards someone walking a few feet ahead of me. That person was carrying a plastic bag in his hands. I thought it was natural for dogs to run towards someone who is probably carrying food with him, but surprisingly, THEY knew exactly who the food was for...

The man without stopping for a even a single step throws some Marie biscuits in a corner and keeps walking. The dogs obviously gather around for the one of the most lavish breakfast they might have received. I keep walking, now almost following the guy walking ahead of me and keeping pace with him. I was curious about what he would do when the dogs from the next area expect the same treatment. We walk a few more feet and the same sequence occurs...Dogs run towards him...He has a packet of Marie biscuits ready for them, throws them towards them and keeps walking. By the time we parted (him taking a different turn towards what i assume was his home), he had almost distributed 3 packets of Marie biscuits to this dogs of each area.

Surprisingly, he doesn't seem to be one of those dog lovers...Then why would he do this?? I felt curious and was wondering...One of the answers I can think of is explained below...

I am not sure how many of you know about the story of Noah's ARK...

but I saw the movie Evan Almighty a few days ago. The new definition of ARK is Act of Random Kindness.

One act of Random kindness is all it takes for you to help someone, and that's what I decided to do.

I travel by bus back from my morning walk...Today my inspiration made me give my seat to a senior citizen in a crowded bus. I did not expect a Thank You for the same, but it surely made my day.

We need not necessarily expect anything in return...You don't have to give up your money...stuff...or time for people who need it...All that we need is little observation around and small acts of kindness per day.

Can you do that?? I know my friend who did that a few days ago...Click here to read it...

A smile on a face...A relief in someone's life...An ACT of RANDOM KINDNESS everyday..makes your world a better place to live..

No time to stand and stare..

I have been doing a lot of literary reading recently and came across a beautiful poem that touched my heart. There are times when you are thinking something and you end up reading something which expresses exactly what YOU wanted to say.

What is this Life if full of care,

we have no time to stand and stare,

No time to stand beneath the boughs,

and stare as long as sheep or cows.

No time when the woods we pass,

where squirrels hide their nut in grass,

No time to see, in broad daylights,

No time to turn at Beauty's glance,

and watch her feet, how they can dance.

No time to wait till her mouth can,

Enrich that smile her eyes began.

A poor life this is, full of care...

We have no time to stand and stare...

By W.H.Davies

I have never been able to write my blogs during my day's routine...so recently I started my morning walks again, in hope to find an inspiration to write something. Having read this poem a day before, I took out time to sit on a small bench by the road. The road was very pleasant and tapping with sounds of footsteps of morning walkers like me..when suddenly....

I notice a small squirrel on the tree next to the bench i was sitting on. I have never seen a squirrel so close..so really didn't want to move from my place in fear of scaring it away.

It sat their on the branch, leisurely having her morning breakfast of what seemed like a nut to me. I looked into its eyes almost striking a conversation with that cute ball of fur...

To my surprise, I see another squirrel joining her and trying to ...what we would call...WOO her...Loll. It was a beautiful sight, and by the time I could understand their mating ritual...a truck passed by, scaring both of them away.

I was disappointed since I would have loved to sit and observe that beautiful sight..

I am glad to have read the poem, because otherwise I would have never sat down to notice and stare anything around me and would have missed this unspoken conversation with my new acquaintance...

Ever wondered how many times have we actually taken time to sit down and observe the beauty around us?...Kind of reminds me of the small paragraph from Lage Raho MunnaBhai, Sheher ki is daud mein daud kar karna kya hai...Agar yahi jeena hai dosto...to fir marna kya hai??

(Click on the image to see the video)

If you have any beautiful incidents, do feel free to share...I am all ears.. :)

Why do we always go for and still carry on with the wrong person???

I know the topic itself is depressing...so if you are someone who doesn't believe in LOVE...I suggest you stop reading right away..because comments like "Oh My God....Mush" or "how pathetic" or anything that sounds like it would not be tolerated...and no matter how sad and depressing you think this post is...i m sure you have been through this feeling / question....



Also, I have written this blog from a guy's point of view so you don't think i m targeting a particular gender....however i am sure the answer is the same for our female friends too....So think twice before you continue.. I give you 10 secs...

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WARNING: I am not saying this blog will save you from any future heartbreaks....but it can surely help you with the much needed closure.



Now I am assuming that if you are still reading this post..you are ready to find an answer to your question..



The answer to that is....



That's because you are hoping u r wrong ...and every time she does something that tells u she is no good, you ignore it. Every time she comes through and surprises you, she wins u over and u lose the argument with yourself that she is not for u.


I understand the feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible..and how it can actually ache in places that you never knew existed inside you.
It doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get or how many gyms you join or how many glasses of tequila you drink with your friends ...you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood....and how in the hell for that brief moment you thought that you could be that happy.
Sometimes you could even convince yourself that she will see the light and show up at your door ....
....And after all that.. however long all that could be..you go somewhere new...and u meet people who make you feel worthwhile and the little pieces of your soul will finally come back and all that fuzzy stuff...those years of your life that u have wasted..that will eventually begin to fade out...



Ever felt or still feel that way sometimes??...well...write back to me...as they say...बांटने से दर्द कम होता है