23 May 2009

10 Stages - The journey from love to love

I saw this movie "He just doesnt feel that way about you" when it had initially released, but somehow there is no sign of it on google.com or youtube.com. I had liked the movie and today I probably understand one of the levels of relationship that it dealt with....Falling for someone who you know will never be yours. I am saying "falling" for someone, because initially, I am not sure if people call it Love..... There are lot of words in the vocabulary that define the initial stages of "Feelings"....Infatuation, emotional incline, crush, passion, fascination, admiration, attachment, puppy love, etc, but LOVE is definitely not one of them.

The heartbreak.... the contemplation.... the agony... and yet the fact that my heart skips a beat everytime I see his number flashing on my phone, or his message blinking on my google talk. I see him online and wonder why isnt he messaging me? Was it something I said? Was it something I did wrong? Did I say too much last night? All kinds of thoughts cross my mind...and as I sit and go through every detail that led me to this situation, I break the phases down to its TOP 10......I call it...The journey from love to love...

  • First Stage: Attraction: The first time you see that person..on first day of college, on the street, in your sister's friend circle, or maybe in a coffee shop...You remember every detail of that person, clothes he/she was wearing, perfume, the way he walked, the first words he spoke..his first sms, his first IM...his first email...etc. The first time that person comes near you or sees you on webcam, your heart rate increases; temperature rises, palms get sweaty; stomach flutters; throat tightens and 1001 emotions that run in your mind and heart that you cant even define.

Emotionally, you start knowing each other, hobbies, ideologies, career, education, or some other common grounds. You start asking questions to get to know the other person even better...

  • Second Stage: Romance: You start accepting the person as they are. You start doing small things for each other for selfish or selfless motives. Giving gifts, writing poems, PDAs, and taking her for dinner, inviting him over for lunch, etc. Eventually, the selfish motives of the Romance die out and the selfless motives turn into 'passion'


  • Third Stage: Passion: This stage mostly evolves when the romance (emotional relationship) is replaced by or taken over by Passion (physical relationship). Verbal and physical flirting, teasing, Obvious PDAs, etc. Even though this stage is the most fun amongst all the journey, this becomes the deciding point of the relationship. From here, either the couple can reach a dead end in the feelings or become a stronger bond.
  • Fourth Stage: Intimacy: This word has often been associated with physical closeness, however its mostly deals with comfort that the couple share. The difference between Attraction and Intimacy is the inquisitiveness and appreciation. The couple share their thoughts, their feelings, their dreams and everything that is the Base of their relationship. In true intimacy, there is nothing that you cannot tell this person (though we often hesitate because of our own unfounded fears).
  • Fifth Stage: The Realization - You start noticing that things have been a bit rocky between you and your partner, well ROCKY may be an understatement! TREMULOUS, ROLLER COASTER RIDE FROM HELL is much more like it. Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating...But, you've come to realize that things aren't going to work out, unless you enjoy getting the "silent treatment". Somehow, the sparks that were flying at the beginning of the relationship have now turned into an uncontrollable forest fire. Ultimately, you need to muster up the courage and face the fact that things aren't AREN'T WORKING
  • Sixth Stage: The ACTUAL Realization: - Okay, so you had the biggest fight ever and vow never to see him/her again. So, what happens now when you realize you can never call them again for a quick cup of coffee... or, at all? What if you start to miss them? What if they DON'T miss you? You might start to think maybe it wasn't a good idea to break up after all. And then you have an epiphany. OF COURSE it was a good idea -- the relationship wasn't working out. Don't call them, remember you broke up for a reason. Just because you miss them doesn't mean it'll be great when you see them again. You just keep reminding yourself why you broke up in the first place and DON'T CALL THEM!
  • Seventh Stage: The Crappy Part: - Once you realize that your life will be different, this is what I call the crap-pi-phany. You go through the phase of listening to songs that remind you of them, cry into a pillow that still smells like them, read you old text msges/chat histories, call him/her up and hang up...go through the road that you used to meet on hoping that he/she might be do the same... and agonize about what's going to happen next. Your life may seem over...
  • Eight Stage: The Rage: - That bitch/bastard! I treated them like gold! This is the most critical stage - Bitterness. You list all their annoying traits that you once thought was actually cute. Who actually uses the word "poopy/bubblegum"? At this point instead of wasting your day in front of the comp reading old chats, you get out of bed and dress to impress. Now that you look good and feel good you can actually say and believe, "if they don't want me, that's their problem, not mine." Over time you start missing them less and love yourself more. You keep yourself busy with new hobbies, school, work and friends. You stop feeling sorry for yourself and realise that there is a whole world out there waiting for you with plenty of new and exciting people to meet.
  • Ninth Stage: FREEDOM: -You haven't thought about your ex in days, (well it's a start) and BAM, there they are strolling down the street with someone else..... and your stomach doesn't lurch neither does your face doesn't turn bright red. When you say hi , your ex looks more uncomfortable than you. Once the encounter is over, you stroll away proud and tall and don't think about the encounter for more then 10 minutes ever again. (PS. Have they put on weight?). You smile, because now you know you are finally free and ready to open up and love again.
  • Tenth Stage: The Crush: - Over time you'll begin to realize that your ex isn't the only one in the world. Wow! There's some damn fine peeps in this city. The point is, once you're able to open yourself up again, other people will want to get to know you. Even if you're not ready to start an intense relationship with somebody else, get out there and start having fun again...and then... there is that LOOK again...

But no matter who we are with, where we are, and how we end up living our life, We still get that look on our face when we pass across the corridor where you first saw them, or the website that you visit where you met him in virtual world...That indeed was your true love...that you lost...somewhere in the journey.

Until Next time....

Adios ....Ciao.

5 comments:

Double-Dolphin said...

Dhat!

Tanvi said...

Dhat?? kyon???

Prats said...

Wow!! Been there done all the 10 stages :-)

Amazing post and quite apt!!!

BrownPhantom said...

In the last 3, you looked like advocating a "move-on" happily kind of message , but the last para left with a tinge of sadness :).

Tanvi said...

@phantom..Isnt that how it always ends???

The ending is sometimes, Just the beginning... :)